On Not Knowing

Every time I rediscover the concept of not knowing, I experience such a profound sense of relief that it surprises me.  Relief from the constant search for security, for something I can hold on to that won't slip away.  The grasping and clutching is automatic--an endless cycle of searching for happiness outside of this moment.  Letting go of what I believe I know becomes a terrifying prospect. And yet, when I do take the risk of letting go of the belief or idea or search, the core truth of "not knowing" is just sitting there, waiting to be seen, to be held in awe and wonder.  And to hold me.  To remind me of who I am really am and to open my eyes as if for the first time.

Returning to not knowing is like returning home.  It invites openness and curiosity, appreciation and wonder.  It requires listening deeply, underneath the conditioning and fear. It also means letting go of problems to fix, of searching for happiness outside of myself in things and people and coming back to right now.  Not knowing itself is just a concept that directs me back to the experiencer of this moment.  It reminds me to do the personal work of letting go of the ideas and concepts I have clung to for safety and let myself fall into nothingness...not knowingness.  It allows me to live fully and completely in this complex life.  It is, simply, who I really am.