Leaning into change in chaotic times.

The more intense the outside world gets, the more I find myself turning towards what is right in front of me…the drama of parenting teenage boys, the changing of the light as we move into fall, the call of the hawks as they practice flying in the ravine. I am compelled to reach for my own inner peace, to rely on what I know brings me into hope and love. Intuitively it feels like a time of transformation and so I am leaning into that, focusing on what I want to change in myself…less judgment, more patience, more allowing. I am envisioning the world I want to live in and trying to embody that vision in my moment to moment life. It seems to be the thing I have the most control over.

I recognize I have a choice in how I spend my time, where I focus my attention, how I care for myself. Instead of resisting the chaos of the outside world or being at the mercy of it, I tune into the truth that things are always changing, always evolving, and that this is part of the natural rhythm of life. I accept the pain inherent in growth and healing. The grief of letting go, the suffering of injustice, the desperation of not having control. I let these feelings wash through me as I know this is part of what it means to be human, to participate in becoming. And yet, the pain is held in the possibility of a world based in compassion and cooperation, where each of us is celebrated in our truth.

I am doing my best to become the best possible version of me to support this vision. I strive to be a better mother, wife, friend and community member. I practice meditation and inquiry to bring consciousness to my thoughts, feelings and actions. I give myself grace and forgiveness so that I can also offer this medicine to others. I do my best to live from my vulnerable heart, to step into the mystery in each unknown present moment…and be myself.